NLP Seduction Techniques

Once you’ve learned an effective way to achieve goals, you might become overly focused on your goals. We all know how it feels to help someone else get their goal at our expense, and we know it doesn’t feel good. But on the contrary, our research found a very selfish reason to consider the other person’s goals –it makes you more successful.

Successful large organizations apply the Golden Rule to their customers. The highly respected Strategic Planning Institute has created a data base called PIMS, which documents the profit impact of market strategy from over three thousand business units in all sectors of the economy. This is a tremendous source of data for business managers, and is referred to by Peters and Waterman in their books on excellent business practices. Read the rest of this entry »

What happens for most people is that their pleasant feelings become noticeably stronger as that experience comes closer, and become measurably weaker when it moves farther away. How and why this works is fundamental to NLP, and we’ll explore it in detail in the chapters to come. Right now, we’d like to make a specific point. Most people have never imagined they could change the way they think and feel about things so easily, especially by such a simple process as changing the characteristics of their mental pictures. They can imagine changing their clothes, their cars, even their jobs and the cities they live in, but most have never even considered they could deliberately change their minds. If you want to feel your positive memories more intensely, you can simply move them closer to you in your mind’s eye. If you want difficult memories to have less intensity, you can just move them farther away from you.

You can do the same thing with every aspect of your life. If you have an ongoing problem, you have the ability to mentally move it farther away from you. From a distance, you’ve got more mental “breathing room.” You can relax and think about it with a clearer mind from this new perspective. Almost all of us can think of more and better solutions with neutral feelings than we can when we feel trapped and pressured. On the positive side, if you see something you want to gain in life, then you can bring the image closer to you to make it a more vivid and compelling part of your life. Almost all visualization techniques repeatedly stress the importance of keeping your dreams and goals in mind. With NLP, you will have the skills to do this quickly and easily. And these are only two examples. You’ve learned just two ways your brain “codes” your experiences, just a couple of the basic elements of NLP that can make a difference for you.

Some people pause at this point, saying, “I don’t visualize all that well. Will I be able to use NLP?” The answer is yes. NLP uses all of our five senses: sight, hearing, feeling, taste, and smell. NLP research discovered more than a decade ago that most people have developed one of their five senses more than the others. For example, maybe you’ve always loved to draw or take photos or arrange beautiful things. If so, then making mental pictures and visualizing in your imagination probably comes easily to you. Or maybe you love books and words and conversation or music, and are more sensitive to what people say, and the tones of voice they use. If so, then hearing with your mind’s ear, instead of eye, is probably more natural for you. Natural athletes are usually more finely aware of their movements and the feelings in their muscles as they move. Maybe you get strong feelings about people when you enter a room. These are indications that your emotional feeling sense is more developed than your other senses.

As you read this book, you may notice that different exercises emphasize different senses. This is deliberate on our part. First, because different people with differently developed senses are reading this book, and we want to offer something that “ feels natural” for each style of thinking and understanding. Second, because it’s important that you learn to appreciate and develop each of your senses, so that you have access to all of your “inner resources” even more.

The third consideration in building relationships is recognizing that each of us represents something to others in their lives. The question is. What do you want to represent? You might as well decide what you want your presence to be associated with, since it will be associated with something. You probably want people to have a positive association to you, although the specific response you want may depend upon the context for your relationship. It’s useful to test how others respond to you presently. When you walk into a room or encounter someone you know, especially when it’s unexpected, notice the person’s response. When he or she sees you, how does that person respond? Do you see eyes light up with enthusiasm and delight? Do you see a quick smile or a frown and look of stress or concern? This test is a good measure of what you represent to that person even before you start communicating.
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Great achievers, people whose lives are marked by significant achievements through a labor of love, can be models for us. We can learn, too, if we emulate those who know how. Recall, from Chapter Three, Steven Spielberg’s mission to become a moviemaker. In his specific role as a movie director, he had to improve his skills at directing through collaborating with editors. If you’ll remember, when he was just seventeen years old, he simply walked into Universal Studios and, without asking, occupied an empty room and put his name on the door. He started showing editors his 8-mm movies and got their input to help him improve his directing skills. Now that’s bold action for goal achievement!

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By now, it’s probably clear that NLP is based on principles that are very different from traditional psychology. While traditional clinical psychology is primarily concerned with describing difficulties, categorizing them, and searching for historical causes, NLP is interested in how our thoughts, actions, and feelings work together right now to produce our experience. Founded on the modern sciences of biology, linguistics, and information, NLP begins with new principles of how the mind/brain works. These principles or assumptions are called the NLP Presuppositions. If we could summarize all the NLP Presuppositions in one phrase, it would be: People work perfectly. Our specific thoughts, actions, and feelings consistently produce specific results. We may be happy or unhappy with these results, but if we repeat the same thoughts, actions, and feelings, we’ll get the same results. The process works perfectly. If we want to change our results, then we need to change the thoughts, actions, and feeling that go into producing them. Once we understand specifically how we create and maintain our inner thoughts and feelings, it is a simple matter for us to change them to more useful ones or if we find better ones, to teach them to others. The NLP Presuppositions are the foundation for doing just that.

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When you don’t have rapport with someone, you are acting differently than they are. The way to regain rapport is to become more similar. The most effective communication professionals gain rapport by matching nonverbal behavior, sometimes called matching, mirroring, or pacing. For example, if you are in someone else’s office and they have you sitting directly opposite them, you can still build rapport. One way to help both of you feel more comfortable is to match the other person’s posture. As you sit with the person, notice how he or she is sitting and slowly begin to adjust your body to match his or her posture. Read the rest of this entry »